What Is Stillness?
Stillness can be described as the feeling of being calm, not worried about different things, having a clear and quiet mind, being focused and in control and having inner peace.
Stillness can help us tune out our surroundings and all the noise so we can focus better and be more disciplined. Stillness can help us think clearly when everyone around is being distracted. It can also help us to not be emotionally affected by external things such as news and social media.
The reason why it’s difficult to find stillness is because there is an internal dialogue going on within us all the time. This can be on how we want to be things, between what we need to do and what we feel like doing or what we want to achieve versus all the work it needs to get there.
When we are in a state of stillness we will be able:
- To think more clearly.
- To make better decisions.
- To manage our emotions better.
- To not lose control of ourselves and act rashly or carelessly.
- To handle high-pressure situations better.
- To build better habits.
- To be more productive.
- To feel more fulfilled.
Stillness can be found within everyone and it consists of three domains: the mind, the heart and the body. The advice shared will be about reducing all the disturbances that make stillness impossible. Many of the ideas and suggestions is about slowing down our life so we get more control over it.
The Mind
This is about taking care of our mental health. We want to be be able to quiet down our thoughts that comes from external input (e.g. news and notifications) and our self talk that we have with ourselves about random things all the time. When this is done we can think and focus more on the important things. Here are 9 ways to find more mental stillness.
Become Present
Many people don’t live in the present moment. Instead we think about the past, worry about the future and look at our phones or other distractions. Because of this, we worry and stress unnecessary and miss out on life and the present moment. The only thing that exist is the present moment so it’s recommended that we should focus more on it and what’s in front of us. We should take some time everyday to focus on the present moment.
Limit Your Inputs
There is a lot of information coming at us right now and we must learn how to filter unimportant information out in order to be able to think clearly. Important things will always be important but unimportant things usually disappears or solves itself. Ask yourself often “is this necessary?”. Put up barriers and reduce alerts and notifications. We should not be afraid in missing out on unimportant things.
Empty the Mind
Emptying your mind basically means to be in a state where we are not thinking about anything. We are often very nervous during important moments and we start to worry, overthink and doubt ourselves. In these moments it’s important to not defeat ourself with negative self talk and instead empty our mind. We not only have to control what gets into our mind but also what goes on inside our mind.
Slow Down, Think Deeply
This is a reminder to slow down, examine our thoughts and think deeply before making decisions and judging things. Instead of reacting to everything and going with our first impression we should take our time and think. Think about what’s actually going on and what might be hidden from us.
Start Journaling
This is about writing down our thoughts and reflecting on them. It also frees up a lot of mental space because we can stop thinking about them after we write them down. Writing things down helps us think better. It’s about asking difficult questions and then writing down our answers to them. These questions can for example be:
- What am I doing with my life now?
- What things are important to me and why do I care so much about these things?
- What are some good things that are going on in my life right now?
- What are the difficult and important things I’m avoiding?
- What are my values and how am I going to live and why?
Cultivate Silence
The suggestion is that we should introduce more quiet time into our days. Quiet time here is defined as absence from voices so no music or podcasts. Our mind and thoughts work better in silence.
Seek Wisdom
We should seek knowledge and be willing to ask questions on things we think are important and don’t know. Look for mentors and ask other people for advice.
Find Confidence, Avoid Ego
Some common signs of a person with a big ego is that they think mostly about themselves, don’t think they make any mistakes or flaws, think they are better than others and can’t see things from others point of view. We should avoid having a big ego. Confident people are instead fine with being wrong and are willing to change.
Let Go
It can sometimes be that the more we want something, the more difficult it seems to get. The suggestion here is to stop focusing so much on the outcome and instead let go of it. We should instead focus on the process because that’s how we really get good at things.
The Heart
Here, the heart can be defined as our emotional wellbeing and the relationship we have with ourselves. It’s about what kind of person we are now and what kind of person we wish to be and what values to have in the future. This part also talks about how to deal with negative emotions and control our emotions better. The main point is to have a balanced life style because if you have balanced life style then most likely you will be feeling emotionally well.
Choose Virtue
Having virtue means to be a person that does things that are morally good, your behaviour and actions are of high moral standards. Which basically means to do things that are considered good and right by most people. Some traits can for example be: honesty, integrity and kindness.
Heal the Inner Child
Some people had a bad childhood and carry bad experiences and memories with them from this time. We might now be aware of it but these things can affect our decision making and actions which might not help us. So the suggestion is to take the time needed to reflect on what bad experiences and memories we carry with us now from our childhood and then heal them. This can for example be by talking to someone, thinking for ourselves or just being aware of it can help.
Beware Desire
Having desires is normal and also good since it gets us motivated but it’s bad if not having something makes us sad and miserable. We should ask ourselves if going after something is worth it if it means sacrificing a lot of the things we have now. Think about the consequences of not having it versus having it.
A common form of desire that can ruin a persons life is lust and it becomes bad when a person can’t control their urges. It can for example for lust for another person, lust for power and lust for beautiful things.
But the most common form of lust is envy, which is lust for what other people have. The suggested way to solve this is to think that you can only have what the other person have if you are willing to give up everything you have and trade places with them. If you want what another person has you must go through all the difficulties they have been through. Most people are not willing to make this trade.
Enough
Our accomplishments will not give us the feeling of happiness and relief we think it will. So it’s important to know when enough is enough otherwise we will keep chasing and never really be happy because we feel that something is missing. What we want is not more things or accomplishments but more moments where we feel like we have enough.
Bathe in Beauty
This is about that we should try to find beauty in nature and normal everyday things around us. It’s up to everyone to define we think is beautiful. This can be done by trying to appreciate and be more grateful for the things around us. Some examples of the books is: sound of the trees, different buildings and objects and nature (like trees, flowers, water). Being grateful for the things around us can make us calmer and happier.
Accept a Higher Power
By accepting that there is a higher power, like God, we stop to think about ourselves all the time which can lead to a lot of stillness. This is about accepting that we are not in control of everything but instead there is a higher power out there that guides us. The idea is that we don’t need to deal with everything ourselves if we accept and believe in a higher power.
Enter Relationships
Good and healthy relationships are important for a person to feel happy and well. Relationships can come in many forms: friends, partner (should be someone you can depend on and that person also depends on you), mentor and family. It’s important to have people that understand us. Relationships can also be a great source for learning and growing. Relationships are an important part of what gives life meaning. If we succeed, we won’t be happy unless we have people to share it with.
Conquer Your Anger
This is about getting control of our anger. We usually make bad decisions when we are angry because we can’t think clearly. It can also make us do things we normally wouldn’t do. During these times it’s important to catch ourselves and then take a step back to cool down. We should also ask ourselves why we got angry and then maybe try to avoid similar situations in the future. People who are often angry have no stillness and most likely are also not happy.
All Is One
This is about that we should be good to each other and treat each other well because we are all in this life together and all part of something bigger. Many people have the same problems and thoughts we have.
The Body
This is about taking care of our physical body and make sure that it’s in a good condition. It’s difficult to be fully focused when we are sick our health is not good because we will be thinking about it all the time. Our body keeps score so it’s important to do the right things and take care of ourselves.
Say No
Our energy and time is limited so we should say yes only to the important things and say no to things that are not important. We should be more considerate to what we say yes to because when we say yes to one thing, we automatically say no to other things. It’s suggested that we can see it as every time we say yes we give up a piece of our life. It can easily lead to burnout If we say yes to everything.
Take a Walk
Walking is a great way to let our mind rest and also allow it to come up with new ideas. It’s common that solutions to our problems or good ideas come up when we are not thinking about them. Taking a walk is a great way to use this. The key to a good walk is to be aware and present of it and remove distractions (like your phone).
Build a Routine
Complete freedom without a routine or schedule usually leads to a lot of wasted time. Having a good routine makes life easier. Instead of having to decide what to do all the time, a lot of resources are freed up that can be put to better use. A routine done many times becomes a ritual. You will know how you after the ritual and this can be a good way to put you in the mood you want. Set up a schedule and limit the choices you need to make.
Get Rid of Your Stuff
Our items we own steal our attention and time because we think about them and what new things to buy. The recommendation is to start ask ourselves why we own it and if we can do without it. We should then get rid of it if we don’t need it.
Owning a lot of things can be exhausting. It can also lead to a lot worry because we are afraid to lose our things. Not wanting things leads to more freedom. If a person complains that they don’t have enough time, chances are it’s because all their items are taking up their time.
Seek Solitude
Being in solitude means to be alone. The reason why we should be alone more is because it’s easier to think and reflect. A busy life with a lot of decision making makes it even more important to seek out solitude. We also never really understand ourselves if we are never alone. How we feel and the thoughts we have when we are alone is a reflection of our wellbeing.
Be a Human Being
This is reminder to not work too much so we can avoid burnout. Resting, moderation and knowing ones limits are all important.
Go to Sleep
Sleep is important because it’s what prepares and recharges us for the next day. Enough sleep means that we should feel well rested when we wake up in the morning. Our brain responds much slower and our decision making is worse when we don’t get enough sleep.
Find a Hobby
Our free time should mostly be spent on intellectual (like self studying) and creative pursuits. It should be things where we need to be active and engaged and not just observe.
“To be really happy and safe, one ought to have at least two or three hobbies, and they must all be real.” -Winston Churchill
Beware Escapism
We shouldn’t run away or avoid our problems when they appear or when things start to get difficult. Our problems will eventually catch up and when they do, they will only hit us harder. Part of us will also be thinking about the problem which is a waste of our attention and we won’t be able to enjoy things as much. Problems should instead be solved as soon as possible. Always try to have a problem solved before going on a vacation. Our internal problems can only be solved through thinking and reflecting.
Act Bravely
During important times, we must act bravely and do what’s right. If we don’t, we will keep regretting it and not be at peace. A person who only act selfishly and never steps up will never be at peace. A person who contributes, gives to others and serve others will in general feel better. If we want to be good and feel good, we have to do good things.
