This is a book about human relations and interaction. The book gives advice on many things such as how to effectively communicate and interact with others in order to build relationships and gain influence. It covers topics such as how to make a good first impression, how to genuinely appreciate others, and how to handle difficult people.
To achieve financial success in different careers and industries such as engineering, 15% of your success depends on your technical skills and 85% on your ability to effectively communicate and collaborate with others. Therefore, individuals who possess both technical expertise and the ability to effectively communicate, demonstrate leadership, and influence others will earn more than those who possess only technical skills.
Eduction is the ability to deal with life’s situations. The aim of education is not knowledge but action. Learning is an active process. You learn by doing.
Become A Friendlier Person
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
The majority of people never criticize themselves, no matter how incorrect they are. Criticism is often viewed as ineffective as it typically only causes the recipient to become defensive. Moreover, criticism can be harmful as it injures the other person’s pride and self-esteem, leading to resentment. Instead of criticism, it is more rewarding to reward and acknowledge positive behavior and provide constructive feedback. Criticism from superiors can also be a major hindrance to one’s ambition.
People learn more effectively when they are rewarded for positive behavior rather than punished for negative behavior. Thus, it is essential to focus on the positive actions and qualities of others and to express gratitude. Anyone can criticize, condemn, or complain, but it requires character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
Everyone desires to feel important and appreciated. We all have a longing to feel great and achieve greatness. Unfortunately, reality can often deny us these feelings, leading to depression and sadness. To counteract this, it is important to show genuine appreciation for others’ good qualities and work. By giving honest and sincere appreciation, we show that we value the other person and recognize their positive actions. This makes them feel valued, appreciated, and more willing to engage positively with us.
Appreciation should be specific, not general or vague. Expressing appreciation in a sincere manner helps build trust and improve communication, leading to stronger relationships. However, insincere appreciation is fake and can be easily recognized. It’s a good idea to drop small amounts of gratitude and appreciation throughout the day.
When individuals do not feel important and appreciated, it can have a serious impact on their emotional well-being.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
You are naturally interested in what you want, but others are not. Everyone is interested in their own wants. To influence others, you must talk about what they want and how to achieve it.
Every action we take is driven by a desire for something. To get someone to do something, you must make them want it. To do this, focus on the benefits they will receive from your proposal, rather than just your own wants and needs. Consider their wants and needs. Ask yourself, ‘How can I make the other person want to do it?’
The key to success is to understand the other person’s perspective and see things from their viewpoint, as well as your own. Another way to increase the chances of someone agreeing to your request is to do something for them first, creating a sense of obligation.
4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
It’s easier to make new friends by being interested in them than trying to get them interested in you. This is because most people like to talk about themselves and feel important and appreciated.
To build trust and strong connections, the key is to show genuine interest in others by asking questions, actively listening, and displaying empathy.
Interest in others is reciprocated when they feel interested in us. However, it’s important to note that the show of interest must be sincere. The goal should be a win-win situation, where both parties benefit from the interaction.
If you want to make friends, start doing things for others that require time and energy. Look for what they want and need, and try to provide it.
5. Smile.
The expression on our face is more important than the clothes we wear. Actions speak louder than words, and a smile conveys “I’m happy to see you.” Smiling is a powerful way to make a positive impression on others, as it is a universal sign of friendliness and can put people at ease.
Additionally, smiling can also have a positive effect on one’s own mood and boost self-confidence. The book suggests smiling even when you don’t feel like it, as it can make a significant difference in how others perceive you and how you perceive yourself.
6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the most important sound in any language.
Remembering someone’s name demonstrates that you value and respect them. It also increases the likelihood of them responding positively to you, and helps to build trust and establish a more personal connection.
Many people don’t remember names due to not taking the time and effort required to remember them. The common excuse is being too busy. However, by simply remembering others’ names, you can easily distinguish yourself from others and stand out.
Focus on remembering the names of people you meet or will meet. A person’s name sets them apart from others.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Most people prefer to talk about themselves rather than listen to others. This means that what most people want is not someone to talk to but rather someone who will listen and ask them questions.
Being an effective listener is a critical skill to have when building relationships with others. By actively listening to others and encouraging them to talk about themselves, you demonstrate your value for their thoughts and opinions and show genuine interest in them.
To be an effective listener, it is important to give the person your full attention. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that the person will enjoy answering.
8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.
If you wish to establish a positive relationship with someone, try to find their interests and engage in conversations about those topics. Ask relevant questions to show that you are actively interested.
It is simpler to find flaws than to praise others. It is easier to talk about your own desires rather than considering what others might want.
9. Make the other person feel important – and do so sincerely.
People have a deep need to feel valued and respected, and many today are starving for appreciation, admiration, and recognition. The advice is that we should start paying more attention to others, showing interest in their ideas, and giving them compliments. Of course, it’s important to be sincere, since insincerity will be quickly detected and may have the opposite effect.
10 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
If you win an argument, you will only hurt the other person’s pride and make them feel inferior. There is no need to prove others wrong and embarrass them in front of others. This will only make them dislike you. Winning an argument has very little long-term value.
Win People to Your Way of Thinking
11. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
Telling someone directly that they are wrong can be perceived as an attack on their intelligence, pride, and judgement. This makes it even more unlikely that they will agree with you.
The way to instead do it is to indirectly tell them and let them figure out themselves. Be respectful when doing this and try to see it from their point of view on why they do what they do.
12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
This saves both time and energy and is also better in the long run. Be emphatic and sincere when doing it.
13. Begin in a friendly way.
This is about making a good first impression and starting on a friendly note when interacting with others. A positive and friendly greeting can help put others at ease and make them more receptive and open to what you have to say.
14. Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes” immediately.
If you want to convince someone, don’t begin by talking about the things where you disagree. Instead, talk about the things you agree on. Really try to emphasize that both of you are looking for similar things. Try to make them say “yes” and prevent them from saying “no”. People become more defensive and less open-minded to new ideas when they say “no”.
15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
The other person knows more about what they want than you do, so let them talk. Instead, ask questions and let them tell you about their things and problems. Listen patiently and with an open mind, and don’t interrupt while they are talking.
16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
When presenting an idea, it’s more effective to make it sound as if it’s coming from them rather than from yourself. By making the other person feel like the idea is their own, they are more likely to accept and support it.
17. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
We always think that what we are doing is right in some way, and no one thinks they are wrong when they do something. Instead of condemning or blaming others when they do something wrong, try to understand why they do what they do. Put yourself in their place and see things from their point of view. Ask yourself how you would react if you were in their shoes.
Becoming interested in the cause will make you less likely to dislike the effect. We all care more about what we want than what others want, and this could be the reason behind other people’s behavior.
When someone asks you a question, think about what they want to hear. When you ask someone a question, visualize what the other person might answer and what is most likely to be their answer.
18. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Everyone is hungry for sympathy. Just give it to them, and they will like you. The magic phrase is: “I don’t blame you at all for feeling as you do. If I were in your shoes, I would undoubtedly feel the same.”
There is a lot of satisfaction in controlling your temper. Rather than insulting someone, which just leads to regret.
19. Appeal to the nobler motives.
This is about raising the standard for the other person and encouraging them to live up to it. For instance, when requesting someone to meet a deadline, express your confidence in their hardworking nature and remind them of their ability to deliver. You could say, ‘I have faith in your hardworking habits and I am sure you will meet this deadline with ease, being the reliable professional that you are.’
Similarly, if you want someone to be truthful, acknowledge their integrity and trustworthiness. You could say, ‘I know you are a person of strong character and always keep your word. I trust that you will tell the truth and I have confidence in your honesty.’
20. Dramatize your ideas.
If you want to stand out from the rest and want the other person to remember you, then dramatize your ideas.
Be a Leader
21. Throw down a challenge.
If you want to get things done, one way is to turn it into a competition. This can make work more interesting and exciting, and people will look forward to it more.
22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Begin with praise and honest appreciation before making a complaint or suggesting change. Of course, it’s important to make sure the praise is real, sincere, and honest. If it’s fake, it will be easily detected and make you less trustworthy.
23. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
This works especially good with sensitive people who don’t like direct criticism. It makes them feel like they identified and corrected their own problems.
24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Talking about and admitting your own mistakes first makes it seem like your are not perfect who has all the answers. It also makes it feel like for the other person that you are on the same level, one is not above the other, they feel respected because you have shared this information with them. It makes them more open to accept you information. It makes it feel like you understand them and is on their side.
Talking about and admitting your own mistakes first makes it seem like you are not perfect and that you don’t have all the answers. This also makes it feel like the other person is on the same level as you, one is not above the other, and they feel respected because you have shared this information with them. It makes them more open to accepting your information, as it feels like you understand them and are on their side.
25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
No one likes to take direct orders, so don’t give orders. Instead, give suggestions. You can for example say: “You might want to consider this” or “Do you think this would work?” This gives the people the opportunity to make their own decision and makes it feel like they came up with the idea themselves, which they did.
It gives the other person a sense of importance and saves their pride. You don’t want to give direct orders and say “Do this, not that” or “Don’t do this; instead, do that.” This makes it easier for people to correct errors and makes them more willing to do it.
26. Let the other person save face.
Stay away from offending others. Never criticize someone in front of others. Let them maintain their face and pride. Understand that most people lack experience, not ability.
27. Praise the slightest and every improvement. Be “lavish in your praise.”
Many people live within their limits and not up to their full potential. Praise can be all it takes for someone to get started and not lose hope of their dreams. “Praise is nourishment to the human spirit, we can’t function without it.” Try praise instead of criticism. But praise needs to be specific because specific praise is sincere.
28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
This is about building trust and respect through positive reinforcement. The idea is that by recognizing and praising someone’s positive traits, they will be more likely to continue exhibiting those traits and maintaining their positive reputation. This approach can be an effective means of encouraging someone to fulfill their potential and improve their behavior. For instance, if someone used to be hardworking but is not as effective lately, you could say, “You have always been a hard and effective worker. I just wanted to bring to your attention that your recent work doesn’t seem to match your previous standards.”
If someone is stubborn and resistant to change, you could try saying something like, “You have a history of being open-minded and changing your stance when presented with evidence and facts.” By using positive reinforcement, you can influence and achieve the desired behavior from the other person.
29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
This gives the other person hope, motivation, and encouragement. They also become less worried and afraid of the task.
30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
You need to determine precisely what action you want the other person to take. Next, consider their desires and what motivates them. Evaluate the benefits the other person will receive from fulfilling your request. Align those benefits with their wants. When making your request, present it in a way that highlights the benefits for them.
Keep in mind that not everyone will respond positively to these techniques and methods found in this book. Nevertheless, based on the results, using these approaches will increase your chances of success when dealing with people and improve your leadership skills.
