Introduction
This book talks about things to keep in mind when we next time talk to strangers. These theories are backed up though a couple of stories and case studies. It also looks into how good people are at judging others in general. Below are the main takeaways from this book.
Lessons Learned
If we think we are good at reading people and understand them after just a couple of interactions, we are wrong. Everybody has a different perception of the world that is based on previous experiences so it’s difficult to figure out what they are thinking. Most of the time we are overestimating our ability to understand what people are thinking or feeling.
We are better at detecting when people are telling the truth and bad at detecting when people are lying. The reason for this is because of concept called “Truth Default Theory”, meaning our default is we think people are honest. When we encounter someone we assume they are honest up until they shown clear evidence that proves otherwise. We default to truth because in order for society to function, we need to feel like we can trust people around us.
If we want someone to tell the truth, then using fear and torture is not a good idea. The reason for this is because the tortured person can become traumatized so they can’t remember anything. Their minds also get affected by trauma so their memories become unreliable.
Another reason we are bad at judging people is because of the lack of transparency people show. Transparency here means what they show on the outside is how they feel on the inside. When people are transparent, meaning when their outside expression match their inside feelings it is easy to read them. Most people can feel when the person they are interacting with is transparent.
We are bad at judging other people because everybody expresses their feelings and thoughts differently.
Next time we guess how another person is feeling, and if that guess is based on just a little bit of information or an small interaction, it’s better to assume that we are wrong.
